Losing my hair

I’ve been losing my hair since last year: here’s what I did, how to cope and what I’m doing right now.

One evening in Spring 2023, I took a long, luxurious bath. I exfoliated, I shaved, I washed my hair. And then I noticed clumps of hair floating around me. And from then on, it went on, and on, and on. I couldn’t rake my fingers through my hair, because I’d end up with my hands full of hair. Brushing was a catastrophe. I would emerge from a shower in tears. I panicked.

I’ve had my health issues for a while. I have an autoimmune disorder, and some ‘stuff’ – allergies, arthritis, you name it. But the thing is, my health never REALLY impacted my life – until then.

Hair is something the most of us take for granted. For me, it was always a fun part of my personality, something that could express character traits I usually wasn’t comfortable with expressing otherwise. The thought of losing it send me up the walls. Catastrophizing, I imagined losing and never regrowing it.

Doctors, doctors and more doctors

The big difference between the US and German healthcare system is that you can get excellent care if you can afford it in the US, while you get abysmally bad to mediocre one for free in Germany. The pandemic took its toll on an already struggling system, and nowadays it’s nearly impossible to see a specialist until you wait three months or more. I started to make my way from A to B, from this test to that one. It took time, and I still lost hair in the meantime. I had doctors telling me to eat more iron and sending me out of the door after a few minutes. I had to learn to come armed with test results and a catalogue of questions. Then, I had to learn to become insistent.

Here’s the first advice I have for you for any health issue, no matter if it’s losing your hair or something else: Always, always come prepared. Bring your test results, examination results, everything. And then hold unto your catalogue of questions that should always, always culminate in those two: What is causing the problems, and how does a treatment plan look like. Be tenacious, but polite.

The line between snake oil and treatments

In the meantime, I slowly started to understand how women not only fall prey to Goop, homeopathy and dubious home remedies, but also to non-regulated dietary supplements, and, of course, the beauty industry with their advertisements and promises. If you’re desperate enough, you’ll spend your money on whatever product promises relief.

I also learned that the beauty community offers untold solidarity and support, answering questions patiently, giving advice and comfort.

As much as with skincare, I realized that there is solid advice out there, but no matter what, you need a doctor that’ll come up with a treatment plan.

I went to three doctors before, after six months, I finally found someone who listened and saw the whole picture and came up with a plan. And not only that, they also told me not to worry any more. That there were ways. That evening, I came home and cried with relief.

Now the plan only has to work.

What helped me

Hair loss can stem from a myriad of reasons. Blanket advice won’t help (stuff like: eat more eggs and lentils). But if you’re suffering from it, know this: hair loss doesn’t define you. Your hair doesn’t define you. You can be sexy and hot with or without hair. (I mean, look at Jada Pinkett Smith. SMOKIN’ hot.)

• Excellent first resource is Shireen Idriss’ video. (And, to a degree, Jonathan von Ness’ here.)
• It won’t hurt to start with Minoxidil (aka Rogaine) straight away.
• Get a doctor to do a blood test and also check hormone levels if you’re a woman.
• You’re in for the long haul: if stuff works, you’ll see that after three months because of the hair’s life cycle. Have patience.
• Care for your hair: Pamper it. You don’t want to let bad practice lead to breakage and split ends. Use masks, heat protection, put it up during the night.
• Judicious application of trickery: I’ve started to fill in my hairline and temples like I would fill in my brows when do my makeup. Just pick an eyeshadow that matches your haircolour and a fine brush. We all know makeup, it’s not hard.
• There’re also fibre sprays (Toppik, for example) that create the illusion of full hair.
• I also had a serious cut last month. Having a hairdresser you can trust is worth their weight in gold. My hairdresser created a cut with movement that gives some volume. And honestly, I feel so much better about the state of my hair. (You absolutely don’t have to do that. It’s about how you feel best. If that’s with long hair, no judgement! I can relate.)   

What now?

Since last Spring, I reckon I’ve lost about one third of my hair. Still, I’m not as panicked as a year ago. I can even look at that feature image on top of the page without starting to cry. It’s from 2017, and pictures me with the most glorious curtain of purple hair on the balcony of our apartment in Shanghai.

Yes, I’d love for my hair to grow back. And I know that’s possible. But even if it’s not, it’s no longer the end of the world. I’ve since looked into wigs, hairpieces, you name it. And you know what? After a very hard year, I can picture myself without my former hair. Or in a wig. Or with everything in between.

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